Utopia (10): Innocent proposal
March 28, 2007 Leave a comment
Ok, I’m still not dead – but still working on something completely different. But I’d like to write more during April because I should have some time to do so. Or not? With some wedding on the horizon it might be a bit worse with my free time than I expect. However – here’s another part of Utopia. This time not so philosophic.
I’m letting us just dance for a little while and then I started again:
– “When I was younger I was very … unsure how to treat a woman… or girl. That made me think much more about things and again it complicated my access to them again. To girls I mean. And I’m still thinking too much – I guess it’s TOO much sometimes, really. Although every single hour here I’m less and less concerned about this – like it’s not real issue here.”
– “So far it’s more cute than a problem, really,” simpered Caren.
– “Well. 🙂 My problem had some consequences. I had some friends who can simply pick up a girl and dance… while for me dancing was very serious. Now I don’t mean that dance is serious thing for me – it’s fun in the first place – but when I’m dancing with somebody, I’m thinking about a lot of stuff. Body, warmth, splines… Then those friends told me: ‘It’s just a dance!’ But I never could feel it like that. For me dance like this – body to body – is intimate, at least for that moment. Of course I was more or less forced to dance with girls I didn’t like… you know, some social stuff. But when I danced with someone nice and cool I was always a bit restless.”
– “It sounds like you’re worrying too much with some things.”
– “Definitely thinking too much.”
– “Thinking per se is not the problem, I like your in-depth analysis – although original Gavin was quite similar, so you’re not that shocking for me. For me dance is always something. Because there is that contact. I guess we’re both talking particular about close dance now. There are people I like and I prefer to dance with them, of course. I guess most people feel it just the same. You just sound not really comfortable while dancing.”
– “It’s not exactly ‘uncomfortable’ because I like it – so I might say I feel comfortable. It’s just… restless, unsure, whatever.”
– “Well, I have no problem with this. I like dancing and for me it’s comfortable without any ‘buts’. Although I haven’t tried for someone in quite a long time. Who knows how I felt when I was dancing with you for the first time. 🙂 Maybe a bit shaky. But the result is good – I always like dancing with you. :-)”
– “Ah,” I can’t resist to smile.
– “Yeah,” Caren rolled her eyes chuckling. “Yes, I like you… still. You don’t seem to be damaged so much after all. :-)”
– “Ok,” now I can’t resist to laugh. “Is it even possible to see some differences in the matter of those few hours? You know, would he do something I didn’t or so?”
– “Well… I never explicitly focused on his behavioral patterns although I know him very well. That’s interesting question, really… how much could he change without me noticing it? 🙂 I really don’t know now. You have many questions that would be pointless for him and I have to deal with them now so there is no field to watch your other changes. And you’re still in the same body which is very solid connection to him, you know.”
– “Mhm, I see.”
I squeezed her just a little stronger for a second and she returned it.
– “And now it’s time for that quiet part,” twanged I into her hair.
We’re returning to our table and one man I wasn’t able to recognized noticed with smile: “You two again working together!”
Caren spotted a place next to him and pulled me there while replying to him: “Henry, Henry… I hope you’re not exactly surprised… again! :-)”
– “No, I’m not… we’re just missing your part of fun here,” said Henry and he turned to me, “although today you seem to be much more talkative. Even more than Caren. :-)”
– “Oh, yeah – let’s call it life revision,” I grinned.
– “Gosh, Gav… I hope you haven’t underwrite another life insurance with some dark visions.”
– “Don’t worry, not this time,” I signaled two more beers to waitress passing by and I looked back at Henry. “At least I hope. :-)” I blinked at Caren. I wasn’t sure who knows about me and who still doesn’t. While Henry is sipping his drink I’m asking Caren quietly:
– “Do you think that all our people here know about me?”
– “I doubt it,” she replies on the quiet too.
– “And must everyone know?”
– “There’s no need for you to go through the same set of questions here and right now.”
– “Simply admit it when it’s too obvious. After all – you’re the Gavin now, there’s hardly anything you should not know if anyone is talking to you. :-)”
– “Mhm, right…”
Henry tactfully let us to get to the conclusion and when he noticed we’re done he asked me:
– “I’ve heard you have some problem when you missed work today – something serious?”
– “No, not exactly – just some strange feeling I really wasn’t used to.”
– “Ah, so you’re with us tomorrow…”
– “You bet I am. Although I’d rather not think about work until tomorrow.”
– “Of course!”
Caren entered our conversation – I guess to save me:
– “You see… Henry, I wanted to ask what’s new with your dwelling?”
– “Well… it’s going slowly and quickly in the same time – I hope you know. Many new things – but we’re still not at the end…”
I let those two chatting about Henry’s new flat and problems related to bathroom tile choice (mainly when Henry is not exactly agreeing with his wife) and I decided to watch the life in the pub a little. They brought us our beers in the meantime. I was still listening Henry with Caren, bringing in a few notes that could not hurt anything, but I was also watching what is going on around the table. It would be boring to describe it, but for me that semi-quiet moment was interesting because I realized that there is so much new stuff I have to learn… and I still can’t know for how long I’m here. After some time Henry moved to another group where Martin and Paul were discussing something with a few another people.
– “Thank you for taking over the chat,” smiled I at her.
– “No problem at all.”
We both sipped from our beers and I started:
– “You know… there’s so much I’d want to ask. At least before. Now I don’t know what’s really interesting for me. I feel comfortable right now. I just feel stupid to be quiet, I also don’t want to move around the table and just to chat with everyone – even if it could be interesting. Funny thing is that after that dance I’m thinking much more about you.” I could not resist to smile.
– “Ok, Gav, point for you,” now she smiles too (she smiles most of the time, but now even more).
– “You know,” started I… again with the same words.
– “I know,” she interrupted me. “Maybe I don’t exactly know what you wanted to say just now – because you always say something fresh tonight. Not really new information. Just that way is … I guess men don’t always like to hear word ‘cute’ – but I hope you can take it from me. Gav would, so you should understand it too.”
– “Mhm, I guess I know what you mean with ‘don’t like to hear cute’, but I can easily take it from few women. And although I really don’t know nothing about you, I feel very well with you. So you can call me cute at your will.”
– “Gav, I was thinking… don’t you want to be with me tonight?”
– “Uff,” I was surprised. “The only thing I can say… yes, I want!” There was really no need to hesitate.
– “I mean to be with me… to talk and so. I don’t say that we will be doing anything together. 🙂 Although now I’m also pretty far from decision not to do anything with you.”
– “Yes, absolutely… I hardly can deny that I’m not thinking about something else, but to talk is just fine!”
– “Ok,” Caren smiled at me. “Now I have to handle something.”
She used her comdev on voice and I could hear only her part of talk:
– “Hi, darling… :-)”
– “Yeah, fine, there’s some fun here… Felix, I hope it will be no problem if I wanna stay with Gavin tonight…?”
– “Aalll right. 🙂 … yeah, don’t worry I will recompense you somehow. :-)”
– “Mhm… thanks you, honey… love you too… bye.”
Caren put away her comdev and smiled at me again:
– “Ok, I can.”
– “Well,” I shook my head. “I have to tell you that I had quite a liberal relation in my previous life and I tried to communicate straight but sometimes I simply wasn’t able to treat it like you’ve showed me just now.”
– “Maybe you should practice more. :-)”
– “Ok, I was limited by the feeling that my love will not like it. I mean not in the neutral way but more like dislike or so. And that lead me few times into really stupid situations where I wasn’t able to choose … so called ‘right time for the message’.”
– “Hm… I’m not sure what you mean, but I have some idea. It’s really a matter of customs and some practice – after you pretty fuck up some situations you’ll learn what to do and when to do it. And always that you actually should do something.”
– “Yeah, I see you know what I mean. :-)”
There was a silence for a while and then I noticed:
– “Well, now – god knows why – I wanna this part of evening to be behind us. :-)”
– “Forget it, Gavin… you’ve danced very little to really deserve the next part,” teased me Caren.
– “All right. Dance… that’s maybe the best way how to bridge over.”